Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers
of
40 years of age and above on early retirement... This scheme will be
known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination) .
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW
program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times
as
Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED
any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always
prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you
feel
that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention
of
your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you
can
handle.
Enjoy the Holidays!
Sincerely,
The Management
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