Rajnikanth vs Jayalalitha

Rajnikant was bragging to Jayalalitha one day, "You know, I know
everyone
Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, Jayalalitha called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how
about
Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Jayalalitha fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door,

and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts :--- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You
and your
friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

..Although impressed, Jayalalitha is still skeptical.After they leave
Cruise's house, she tells Rajini that she thinks Rajini knowing Cruise
was
just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says

."President Bush", Jayalalitha quickly retorts

.."Yes", Rajini says, "I know him .

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Rajini on the tour and
motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way
to a
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee
first and catch up".

Well, Jayalalitha is much shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced. Af
ter they leave the White House grounds, he implores her to name anyone
else.

"The Pope," Jayalalitha replies

.."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Germany and I've known the
Pope a
long time".

Rajini and Jayalalitha are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square
when
Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among
all
these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go
upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .. Su re
enough,
half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Jayalalitha has had a
heart
attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Wo rking his way to
Jayalalitha's
side, Rajini asks her, "What happened?"

Jayalalitha looks up and says, "I was doing fine until u and the pope
came
out on the balcony and the man next to me said,

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"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?
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Gabbar's Orkut Profile....

 

 

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Smartness

 

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night."

Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked: "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot - to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket)

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.00."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron…

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General Motors reply to BILL GATES

 

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,


"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."


In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release Stating :

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics
(and I just love this part, especially 7th point and 10'th point):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road,
close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart,
in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy
to drive - but would ! run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single
"This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because
none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.


10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries-- - GM 

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Self Appraisal...Highly Recommended.....

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers). The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation: Boy: 'Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn? Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): 'I already have someone to cut my lawn.' Boy: 'Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.' Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn. Boy: (with more perseverance): 'Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida .' Woman: No, thank you. With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy. Store Owner: 'Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.' Boy: 'No thanks, Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one. Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!' This is what we call 'Self Appraisal' ighly Recommended.....

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Boss- Joke

                                                                    
 A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project
 Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they
 come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The
 ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
 I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer  
 shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast
 boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior
 Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in
 Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"
                                                                     
 and he were also gone.                                               
                                             
 The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the
 office after lunch at 1..30pm"                              
 Moral of the story is:                                              

"Always allow the boss to speak first"