divorce letter

Dear Wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for
seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called
to tell me that you quit your job today and that was
the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that
I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and
even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate
in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you
love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife. Either you're
cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever
the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great
life!

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
letter. It's true that you and I have been married for
seven years, although a good man is a far cry from
what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't
work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week,
but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look
just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to
say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had
just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and
felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the
lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I
guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always
wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote
ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a
problem.

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