See the guts!!!

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging
to 3 different

nations were traveling with their Trainee guys. They started an
argument on whose Trainee

engineer had more guts.

The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and
take around swimming around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by
saying, "See the guts!" *

Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take
two similar rounds around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the
German PM said, "See the guts!" *

Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him
to take five similar rounds.

The Trainee promptly replied, " Why the hell should I ? ? ? You do that
"

The PM proudly said, ** "See the guts!" **

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Legal and Logical

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student
goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student, "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor, "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student, "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you
can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If
you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the
exam."

Professor, "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and
neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give
the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A',
as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the
same question.

He immediately answers, "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35
year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year
old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given
your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is
neither legal, nor logical.

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"Potentiality" and "Reality"

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between
"Potentiality" and "Reality"?"

Dad: "I will show you"

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford
for 1 million dollars"?

Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"...

Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1
million dollars?

Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom
Cruise for 1 million dollars"?

Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million
Dollars! I would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son,
"Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we
are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.

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Rajnikant's next movie climax

Rajnikant's next movie climax:

10 runs to win of 1 ball.

Rajni batting.

He hits the ball, the ball splits into two...

One goes for 6 and the other for 4 !!!

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Where is Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little
confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our
bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on
the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!

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ltr frm the management

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of

economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers
of
40 years of age and above on early retirement... This scheme will be

known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for
the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination) .

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW
program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times
as
Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for

Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel

Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED
any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always

prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you
feel
that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention
of
your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you
can
handle.

Enjoy the Holidays!

Sincerely,

The Management

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Marketing strategy

Professor at IIMs explaining marketing concepts to
Students
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am
very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very
rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her
telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich.
"Marry me - That's Telemarketing"

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten
your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of
the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride
and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's
Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand
Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am
very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. -
"That's Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am
very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's
demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you
marry me?" and she
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you
say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for
entering new markets"

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