FW: Honesty!

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
 

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you:  I will not lie."
 
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."


When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."


The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father - - Next!"

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Worlds Most Embarrassing Moments

There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human
life"

The finale had the following three incidents....

Third Place

"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but
my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I
give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss
the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom
of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people
yelled "SURPRISE!"

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my
friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot
in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again

Second Place

"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some
pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold
of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now,
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee(dick) last
night!".

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that
I heard as the door closed behind me was the screams of laughter.

And the Winner is...

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked,
"If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male
semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on
to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young
thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?".

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had
inadvertently said(or rather implied), she picked up her books without a
word and walked out of the class, and never returned.

However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a
classic. Totally straight- faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't
taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
tongue and not in the back of your throat!

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Afraid to pee

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that,
I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open
the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the
door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

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Writing a report

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I
born?"

His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write
due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family
for three generations."

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See the guts!!!

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging
to 3 different

nations were traveling with their Trainee guys. They started an
argument on whose Trainee

engineer had more guts.

The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and
take around swimming around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by
saying, "See the guts!" *

Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take
two similar rounds around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the
German PM said, "See the guts!" *

Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him
to take five similar rounds.

The Trainee promptly replied, " Why the hell should I ? ? ? You do that
"

The PM proudly said, ** "See the guts!" **

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